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here is a quote from the book i am currently reading hard-boiled wonderland and the end of the world:

“listen. i may not be much, but i'm all i've got. maybe you need a magnifying glass to find my face in my high school graduation photo. maybe i haven't got any family or friends. yes, yes, i know all that. but, strange as it might seem, i'm not entirely dissatisfied with life... i feel pretty much at home with what i am. i don't want to go anywhere. i don't want any unicorns behind fences.”

it makes me cringe like crazy to read my own blog posts, i always end up deleting everything. maybe i should delete this page altogether.. maybe instead i can share quotes i like.

here is one from a book i read recently a wild sheep chase:

“people can generally be classified into two groups: the mediocre realists and the mediocre dreamers. you clearly belong to the latter. your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer.”

somehow i think it is better to live in a melancholic neutral state, rather than living through too extreme highs and lows. to me it's better to feel like i have nothing to lose. maintaining a steel barrier around myself, others at a safe distance where no one can affect me. i don't want to live with the fear of losing something. i'd rather detach myself as much as possible so as to never feel anything. it's worked out well enough for me this far. it's fine if i stay shut up in my room forever.